We’ve heard the statistics from the studies. Young people who are active in their local church up through their high school years are leaving the church in significant numbers by the time they finish college. When I first began seeing these kinds of studies, back in the 1980′s, the figure was 70%. Now, depending on which study you look at, the figure falls somewhere between 80 and 90%.
The reasons for the departures are debated and discussed, but with little effect on reversing them. There are many factors which have caused this to take place, some of them cultural, some of them personal, some of them things that we cannot seem to identify. And while there are some methods and approaches that seem to have a fair level of success in both capturing the interest of Christian young people, and reaching into the younger unchurched population, there isn’t anything that seems to be seriously reversing this trend.
I served in some kind of youth discipleship ministry for almost 30 years, for about 15 years as a youth pastor, and 14 years as a Christian school Bible teacher and administrator. I have observed, first hand, the increasing loss of the younger generation from our churches. I have also observed those who have not only stayed in the church, but have committed their lives to faithful service in it, either in vocational ministry, or as dedicated volunteers. I believe those observations are key to the kind of discipleship that is needed to keep young people in the church as servants of the body of Christ. There are some things that those who stay with the church have in common with each other. I do not claim to have the “simple, three step solution” to this problem. I am simply writing from observation. Perhaps, in sharing ideas, and getting feedback, we can at least step out, take the intitative, and try some things in our own ministry that may have a positive impact.
The first key I have observed is what I will call “Godly Parenting.” Children are the disciples of their parents, and the Bible gives parents full responsibility for raising their children, as well as for how they turn out. Of course, most of us are familiar with Proverbs 22:6, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (NIV) That sounds pretty simple, a one sentence solution. But it’s the word “train” that carries all the weight. What exactly does it mean to train a child, and is that happening in our culture today, and particularly in our churches, to the point where it is producing disciples who do not turn from their faith? Obviously, there is a disconnect somewhere. I see it happening in at least two places. First of all, parents are not following Biblical principles in raising their children. Affluence, the influence of modern behavioral science, the intrusion of government into the family, broken families, and a whole lot of other outside influences place pressure and stress on families. Second, the church, which should be the primary institution whereby parents receive Biblical instruction and spiritual support for training their children, isn’t living up to those expectations, either.
“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. [a] 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” Deuteronomy 6:4-9, NIV
Again, it may sound simple, in these few verses, and in actual practice it is much more difficult than it sounds. It is living, and teaching, by example. Parents are charged with the responsibility of living like they love God, and of impressing that love upon their children. It has been my observation that parents who teach this by example usually raise children who remain faithful as well. I’ve often heard the cliche that Christian faith is better “caught” than taught, and parents who make loving God and following Christ a priority in their live usually raise children who do the same.
The problems I see many parents have in this area is related to their own authority. Permissiveness, lack of discipline, lack of discernment in offering their children decision making power long before they have the maturity to make important decisions, and very little training in self-control and self-discipline have combined with abundance and affluence to weaken the authority that God gives parents over their children. The authority that God gives to parents in raising their children is absolute. Ephesians 6:-14 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3“that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” 4Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Notice the admonition not to “exasperate” your children. In other words, don’t leave any room for doubt as to who is in charge, and responsible. From a Biblical perspective, that authority is yours as a parent until they leave your care and get married, and it includes your protection as well. It is a sign of your deep love and committment to your family, which is what God expects from you.
The church’s role is to support parents in their responsibility by providing a discipleship ministry of its own to families, including the teaching of sound doctrine. And in the time in which we live, we need to be ready with ministry support for families that are confronted with things that threaten the stability of their family, and their authority as parents, including divorce, substance abuse, financial crises, and other outside influences. I read a response on a blog recently that said youth ministry needs to be more than just a good sound system and some fun and games. I could write a good book contrasting what youth ministry is in most churches, with what it should be.
Since teaching and serving as an administrator in Christian schools, I have developed a deep appreciation for parents who make sacrifices to either put their children in a Christian school, or educate them at home. There are those who criticize this as “sheltering.” Perhaps it is, but these are, after all, your children, and even as teenagers, they are easily influenced. And not only are they influenced greatly by the behavior of their peers with whom they attend school, they are also influenced by their teachers, and by a curriculum of instruction which does not support Christian values or principles. In fact, some curriculum is hostile to Christianity. For parents to whom the options of Christian school or homeschool are not available, we need to develop a ministry to assist them in helping keep their kids informed of the challenges to their beliefs as well as how to defend them when they are challenged.
It has been my observation that children who are raised by parents who make sure that they have the principles of God’s word “written on their hearts” are much less likely to leave the church during their college years. They are the ones who make the transition, at some point, from the faith they are raised in being that of their parents, and becoming their own. They “catch” it. The question is, how do we make this happen for more than just a small percentage of our families?
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